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This prison environment is so sterilized and neutral, it doesn’t lend itself to showing off personality. What are the subtle and glaring misrepresentations? Women have their hair extensions and whatever other enhanced aspects to them and men do as well.
Family accounts can add a depth to your understanding of your prisoner’s naturally occurring mannerisms and quirks. It could be as simple as faking fashion sense and style.
Some people in here, if you see them daily, you’d think they never got out of bed, the wrinkles and such. When getting to know someone, be sure you’re getting to know . When the two of you discuss plans for the future, are their talks surrounding THEIR plans, THEIR dreams, what THEY need and what THEY are going to do? Love can be found anywhere, and with work, it can flourish. No matter how mindful you are, there will be challenges.
You’ve decided to widen your options to include those who are currently incarcerated. Do you want a situation that more easily justifies your desire to go slowly?
You’ve listed all of the pros and cons and have ultimately decided, why not? Are the restrictions on your time, energy, emotions and other areas of your life limiting your desirability in “normal” dating situations?
Ask not only about their conviction but about the circumstances that led up to their choice. I personally would suggest meeting someone with a little bit of time left. You can find a jewel anywhere, anywhere at all – but just like when you’re at a garage sale, be careful. Extra time gives you the best opportunity to get to know them and solidify whatever foundation you can. If you imagine the person’s return to society to be easy, or the time with them while they’re in prison to be easy, maybe change your perspective. If you’re locked up and getting more locked up [put in solitary], that is a sign. If they’re in for robbery and going to the hole [solitary] for stealing food from the chow hall, that’s a clue. An inability to be accountable or responsible, combined with poor decision-making, should be further clues. If you don’t mind this, great, but know to inquire ahead of time so you at least have a head’s up on this. In the absence of conjugal visits in most states, how do you know if you’re sexually compatible?
Give yourself a minimum of three or more months to get to know this person. That may enable you to withstand the weight that goes with their return to society. Be mindful that a lot who are getting out have little to no money, and if they do, their immediate goal will most likely be to get situated and stabilize their self. The response from friends was funny when I showed them this. There are opportunities in here to better one’s self. Phone conversations and erotic letter writing are ways to gauge if a spark exists.
If they repeatedly talk about sex from behind – maybe that’s a clue? The same way you are looking for love, others are as well. In other situations, the separation was a direct correlation to their behaviors. Did they steal silverware, jewelry, the family dog?